DefSufi

My mother died this past Thursday. My husband and I were in Vegas, our first "to ourselves" vacation in more than 5 years. When we left, my mother was in hospice, with the expectation that the doctors would get her pain under control, and she could go back home after about a week, where she would spend the rest of the months that she had left.

But God had other plans, and on Thursday, when I walked into the hotel room and saw the flashing message light, I didn't even have to think about what it was for.

Growing up, I had a real love-hate relationship with my mum. She "had issues" as we say now, and they made her insecure, sometimes shrewish, often selfish.... traits that I also have learnt, and thankfully learnt to identify before they get more than a few words/actions into gear. When we first found out that not only did she have cancer, but that it was already stage 4+, I started to grieve then. I knew that it would be less than a year, and that it could get VERY ugly before it was over. I went through the "Oh shit, my mother is going to DIE!" to the "I didn't really ever even like her anyway", to deciding I DID really like her, and then just being sad for her that it was going to be so hard. Chemo. Radiation. Gamma knife. PET scan, MRI, X-ray, bone scan...over and over again.

There were good days... I took her out to shop for clothes just a few days before she went into hospice, and she was hurting but otherwise feeling quite well. And there were bad days.... early on, just after her first chemo treatment, she nearly died from what one doctor thought was over-medication which made her look and act like she had only a few days. People at the hospital were wanting to wearhouse her out to hospice at that point, and had we not all rallied around her, I imagine that it would have happened. And that it would have been a premature end for her.

She got out of hospital and rehab 10 weeks later, on her 78th birthday.

The past 5 years or so we had quite a different relationship from what we had when I was a kid. We could actually talk without one of us bursting into tears or screaming in anger. "I'm so glad we get along now", she said that last day we went shopping. "I guess we both just had to get older", I answered back. "Yep, and I'm glad we did it fast, I was beginning to lose patience", she said.

It was a long way from several years ago, when thinking about what the Prophet (pbuh) said, that heaven is at the feet of the mother. "He didn't know my mother!" was my first thought. But then again, maybe he "did". One thing that Islam taught me is that respect and loving attention are due some relationships even if you don't want to do it. In the winning video from Link TV last year, one of the people in the video is holding up a sign that reads "I visit my parents every weekend....even though they drive me INSANE!" I KNOW that feeling! But even acting out of obligation rather than affection, evetually, it led to the affection that I should have had as a kid. I grew to respect and even love my parents. Finally.

I miss my mum. But I know that she's moved on to the next life, and that her body no longer is in unendurable pain.

And so although I mourn her loss, I do so also with a sense of relief for her.

And I know I'll see her when it's my turn to cross over.

Blessings.

Well folks, the new MuslimChannels site is up and running and looking good. As I said in an earlier posting, the parent organisation, Muslim Bridges, intends for this to be a Muslim version of YouTube, rich with original content, a strong online community, and other loads of other resources.

Muslim Channels was recently written about in the Press Enterprise, a newpaper based in Southern California.

Go visit, and take a look at the videos and forums and join us. EVERYONE is welcome, regardless of faith.

I would like to take a minute to ask people that if you do post video material there, PLEASE make sure you have the rights to the material you post, or permission from the copyright owner. Although MuslimChannels is a non-profit organisation, the fewer YouTube and Google video-type hassels they have, the better.

Salaams, y'all!

After several years of mulling over the idea, and several attempts at outlines and questionnaires, I have decided to write a book. And I can use some help.

What I have in the works is a book about religious conversion. It's NOT a how-to, or a you-should, but more of a reasons why people convert, how their friends and loved ones handle it, why it goes well when it does and why it goes badly when it does. I have it sketched out tentatively as a 3-part work: 1 for converts, 1 for their families et al, and 1 for ministers.

I would like some volunteers to take part in the data gathering. I have a questionnaire set up that asks about what religion you grew up in, how devout you were, what did you convert to, when and why... that sort of thing. Any contact info I ask for is ONLY for follow-up, and any identifying info will be stripped out. If you have family members that would like to take the family portion of the data gather, that would be more than fabulous. And if your minister/rabbi/imam/priest or other leader would like to take part as well, very cool! (The minister's portion isn't about you, it's more a general idea of how they approach conversion.)

The reason I think this project is a good idea is that, as a convert (and a multiple one at that), there have been very smooth transitions, and VERY bumpy ones. When I was a minister myself, I heard more horror stories about conversion than I did about great ones. There are a lot of dynamics in changing religions, and the convert themself is only one out of several. The way they all interact can make for a dream or a nightmare.

Like I said above, it's NOT a book about how to convert, or why anyone should. Personally, when someone talks to me about wanting to convert from one faith to another I usually try to discourage them. It's not that I have anything against moving from one path to another (like I said, I'm a repeat offender!) but often it seems people think they should convert to something else because they feel stuck, they don't understand their "native" faith and haven't been able to find answers, or they object to one or more tenants and decide they can't remain... and then often find one or more tenants in their new faith that bother them as much, or even more. So I usually encourage giving full involvement to one's faith path before deciding to switch to another, because you still take yourself with you when you convert!

 If this sounds like something you'd like to take part in, drop me a line through the email thingy here at the blog. I'll give you more of the details at that point, and if it still sounds good, then I'll send the questionnaire.

Hope to hear from you!

Blessings,

DefSufi

I would like to make readers aware of a brilliant new resource about Islam, both for Muslims and non-Muslims, called Muslim Channels. Meant to be an alternative to YouTube, it has great Muslim content, and is in the process of extending an online Muslim community with an emphasis on interfaith dialogue and providing REAL information about Islam.

This venture is an extension of the already well established site Muslim Bridges, which has provided Muslim content aimed at interfaith dialogue since 2006.

The founders of Muslim Bridges felt the need to establish a Muslim version of YouTube due to the political and social climate present on YT. We all know that there are many anti-Islam/anti-Muslim agitators out there, and there appeared to be several well organised groups of them trawling through YouTube, as they do on many other social sites. Many Muslim bloggers, webshop holders, website holders of various kinds from mosque sites to peace and political sites have had to contend with hackers, spammers, spoofers, and worse. Many Muslim users appear to have had their original content disappear from YT for no reason, or seen it hacked, derided, or wrongfully reported as offensive or infringing just because the viewer did not agree with the point of view of the content. It is hoped that Muslim Channels will help to alleviate some of these difficulties and provide a safe place for young and new Muslims as well as ANYONE of ANY faith who wants to participate in an online community founded on cooperation and understanding.

I had the pleasure of formulating the Golden Rules for their "Say No to Islamophobia" forum section, and hope that they will see fit to let me continue working with them. I hope that you'll take the time to check out both of their sites, and maybe upload some video of your own.

Blessings to all, and a Happy Fourth of July to US Citizens, residents and ex-pats everywhere!

Some of you may be wondering why I've been silent lately. Those of you who are used to my silences are probably just tee'd off at me again.

The truth is that I've been busy, and my spiritual life has been dry. I'm slogging through the days of dhikr, feeling a bit in the desert, and so there's nothing juicy to impart to anyone at the moment. I'm just working at scrubbing off the present layer from my soul.

I've also been thinking about mundane things, mostly politics. I am disheartened at the State of the Union, and disenchanted at the selection of presidential candidates that we will see on the ballot in November. I fear the if McCain becomes President, we will see not only the US staying many more years in Iraq, but also see US troops in Iran (same with Clinton, and perhaps Obama), and the reinstitution of the draft. And then we will lose the next generation or two to needless killing.

So over the past few months, I have re-opened my books on US Constitutional law, learned the fine points of differentiation between isolationism and non-intervention, read a bit more of the Founding Fathers, etc. etc. And I've come to a decision.

After a few years of blogging on religious, social and political matters, I’ve decided to spin my socio/political meanderings off to its own home. As any of you who have read DefSufi, you know that I am a Ron Paul kind of gal. And so, I’ve joined in with the second phase of his movement, The Campaign For Liberty. If you’re an American interested in keeping your civil rights, getting BIG government off your back, and setting the country on a course that will make a difference instead of getting more of the same  we’ve had for the past several administrations, take a peek.  You might find yourself making a difference!

Yes, DefSufi will still be here. If you care to read my commentary on religion and religio-social issues, this will be the place to be. I will try to focus more on the Ummah, and the implications of Islam on society and of society on Islam. There will be the occasional political rant here, I'm sure, as religion and politics seem to be intertwined in this day and age, no matter what religion, no matter what brand of politics.

If you care to read political and socio-political comments, the see me at Saluting Magpies.  I have an idea about it also becoming a resource for constitutional issues, Ron Paul issues, and civil rights issues in general, but who knows what will actually happen. As most bloggers know, sometimes a blog becomes a "personality" of its own, and branches into something unforeseen.

I hope to see you there. And I hope to still see you here.

Peace and blessings,

DefSufi